Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thank you for scamming me...

... please scam again.

Talk about dumbing down the population. I just got a "SCAM CALL" from a cruise line. I didn't feel like holding, to then have a non-English speaking representative hang up on me, when I asked how they got my number in the first place. But how bloody obvious can you get? I mean, your outgoing information name is "SCAM CALL"? For the love of bacon, do something more creative!  A quick Google search tells me that other people have found this shady phone number on their ID as well, only they get no messages sometimes. Most got the same ditz-perky blonde congratulatory message that I recieved, telling me to hold on the line to speak with a representative. Thanks, but no. I don't take cruises...





Cheers,

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Have you met God at Dunkin Donuts?

This morning, I had to be out and doing something at 7am. Luckily, I am home at 7:30 to write this.

I figured I would go grab breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, near where I had to shop. So, going inside, I start placing my order and some guy walks up behind me. He pokes me on the shoulder and asks if I am an English Major. I was wearing my POEM shirt, so it started the conversation. Oy. This guy must have been a recovering addict, because he was waaaaaay too hyper at 7:10am, and ordering an extra large iced decaf coffee. I've hung around enough addicts in my life, to know what it morning routines look like.

Anyway, he starts talking to me, saying he loves poems and his daughter majored in English. "She writes poetry for the Department of Defence". Hey, he told me in a public space, I can share here. Don't snark. So... she writes all these poems and he told me he "coined" a tongue twister. "A firefighter fights fires. A firefighter fights fires. But does the fire fight the fire fighter?" o_O

He sings the Beatles Let It Be when he's down and stressed; as if the song will cheer him up and provide light (I'll never be able to listen to that song again now). He sings a bar or two, and yes, I'm still waiting for my #3 combo. He then says he's got literature I might like. Out of his back pocket comes this (roughly) 300 page book entitled The Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners (see here). He wrote on the side of the front cover "American Express" because he calls it his AmEx - he never leaves home with out it. And on the inside cover, he shows me what he's written: God Speaks. He wrote other items as well; I wasn't too interested, especially since I wanted to GTFO already. Thank goodness they called my order number cos I didn't want to stand there another minute. As I left, he made sure God blesses me and that was it.

I guess the question remains: have you met a God and Jesus freak at your local coffee shop at 7 in the morning????


Cheers,







***e2a: I forgot he has asked me if I am a Pisces because Pisces are "great communicators and poets".  I said no I'm not. I didn't tell him what I was because I didn't want a Tarot reading (prior to that, he asked what my speciality was as an English Major - I told him I've a degree in both English and Communication. Ergo the Pisces comment).

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I'm driving as fast as I want and can!

So I am out and about today. Currently sitting in the (newish) Panera, combining talents (typing this and watering my garden in Fleck). Prior to getting here, I was on the road doing errands. So I'm driving down the highway, in the "slow lane", mind you, and some woman is literally in my trunk. I'm already going 70 and this woman behind me is feeling the need to ride my ass. I don't know where her emergency was, but if I slowed down, she would have easily hit me. Good thing the next exit was mine, or she would have caused a mid morning pile up. My question is, why is there such a need in this world, that people need to be that close to you? Or, they're in such a rush, that your 5 miles over the speed limit is waaay too slow for them? I'm not condoing the fact that my speed was a tad over, or that there are assholes that feel the need to utilise their cars as NASCAR ready vehicles, but I'm just confused as to why people feel this way.

Give me your hands, give me your feedback. What do you think?

Cheers,

Am I the only one?

I dig old music. Things from the "Roaring 20s", throwbacks from the 30s and so forth. The only thing I really don't listen to all the time is rap and religion.  I am not completely against the latter two genres, but I don't feel that they warrant turning my stereo to 11.

That being said, I think I may be the only one that actually giggles at the Tiny Tim rendition of Tiptoe Through The Tulips, the 1929 Al Dubin and Joe Burke song. I've heard Nick Lucas (original recorder) singing it as well, but Tiny Tim cracks me up every time. I think it's that voice that makes it too comical to take seriously. Not that the piece is a real tragedy, mind you. It's just the song that some how gets stuck in my head all day and I can't not help but sing it.





Cheers,

Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you call...

...over the loudness of my vacuum!

I must say, the Bissell 3 Way Bagless vacuum is mighty loud in an empty room. This dirst sucker is tiny compared to some of the ones we used to own. One would think the smaller the machine, the softer sound it makes. Nope. Proved that wrong.

I was vacuuming my room and once I shut off the Bissell, I heard the tail end of a cousin leaving a message on my answering machine. True, I'm partially deaf, but that doesn't stop me from hearing most things. The exception being the fact it got loud and I heard nothing. Chuck it up to weird and whatever, but either way, I know now I should keep the portable phone handy!

Cheers,

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Glory, Glory, Man United!

Holy cow, holy cow, whiskey tango foxtrot!

Last night's Revs / Man United game was AMAZING. Too bad the Revolution couldn't show United the door, on our own turf. The Red Devils kicked the ex Minuteman's asses by a spectacular 4 to 1. By the end of the first half, it was scoreless and then BAM! Manchester was up 1, nil. Once it became 2, nil, the Revs opened the door to a 2-1 gate. This turned out to be promising. All of a sudden, it was 3:1 and then finally 4:1. Where did the last half hour go? Seriously!

Both teams kept up the fight, and it's a shame that the Revs keeper, Matt Reis, got to sit out for the second half. Dude was on point. Complete fire. He sat out, not for injury, but "as a fan". That was the biggest mistake of the night because it's how we lost (in my opinion). But it proved how well both teams could fare in this match and why Manchester is in the top 2 of the Premier League standings year after year. Why they win majority of their matches.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Revs and have a deep respect for them, but I also have a whole hearted respect for the Red Devils. Not for the big players (Becks, Rooney, Ferdinand) but for their history and how well they play. They were the ones who shows us the door last night, and it was worth it. All in all, this was the most anticipated first game of all the friendly matches and I hope Manchester keeps this up.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I know why the cage bird sings...

...actually, I don't. I am not Maya Angelou, and I wish I remembered whether or not I liked that book. All respect goes to that brave woman.

I do know why it was so quiet this morning. Storm's a brewin', here, ma. As I write this, I hope that the power stays on for me to finish this entry. Thunder is rumbling in the background and I know that any moment, rain will hit; causing my street to become quickly flooded and me to possibly run, jump, and skip through puddles to chase after my wind blown trash.

Oh, how I love storms on trash night....





... I just hope the Revs will get to play tonight. It's their friendly match with Manchester United. I love both teams and could not afford the tickets (the cheap Fort tickets tripled in price!!). I shall be watching the game on the TV and pray one team will fall scoreless to the other. I won't be upset over the outcome, as I've stated, I love both teams. All I can say is "GLORY, GLORY REVS UNITED!"




 Cheers,

I'm "Mr. Wordy"

I recently changed my screen name on a game site I use. It's a presidential name, reflecting the respect I have for the man. No new players knows that the avatar is really me.

So, because this game now has an iPad application, kids have swarmed the chat board and infiltrated the cities. It's nice to know who's playing on a pc and who's playing on iPad. However, every freaking player using this external app has to say "ipad here" or "I'm on an ipad". I've not read the global chats in a while, because the newbs are ruining the fun sometimes. But today, I asked, "just out of curiousity and generally speaking, why is there an incessant need to constantly broadcast ipad use?". Snarky, I know. But it's a genuine question. Some newb piped in, "Okay, Mr Wordy" and I got no answer. If I did, I could not read it - my internet cut out. I would have replied that I'm an English major / person. Ergo, the "wordy" question. The kid was probably in grammar school anyway, so their comeback only signifies their lack of understanding my vernacular. Or, it was a snark comeback to my assholic (haha) query. Either way, it's been brought to you byt P.O.E.M.


Cheers,

Shh... the hoodrats are sleeping...

... and the squirrels, and the chipmunks. But not the birds. They're flying solo for now. Good think ol Hitch is dead, or we'd have another movie on our hands!

It really is too quiet in my neighborhood for a Wednesday morning. But it's 2 minutes til 9 as I type this, so I'll give it to the fact that the workers already left for their jobs and the kids are sleeping in, if they are not at camp already. It only begs the question, What next?











Oh, I know!

Have ya heard about the new debate (aka most recent health concerned headlines) that doctors are claiming parents deserve their kids to be taken away from them, if the kid is too fat? The kid can be put in a new kind of care, not so much foster care (however it can be mandatory, if warranted), but a facility where they can grow (and shrink) and learn to eat healthier (example here). It's the new wholesome family fun, to have the child put on a diet plan (what else is new?) under State watch. Big Brother may be watching us adults, but he's recruited Little Brother to watch over the kids.

I'm not advocating for either side, but I feel that if a kid is gonna eat, it's not necessarily tha parents' fault. Kids know how to sneak candy or snacks outside of meal time. Sure, the mother and father aren't watching the ankle biter twenty four seven, and the nipper is lounging in the game room nomming away on sugary substances, but what if the parent has tried to get their kid on the right path? I know plenty of health conscience adults that have an over weight young adult. It's not for lack of trying; it is their metabolism.

For example, a friend of mine in his late 30s, is a stick figure. He can eat a pint of a high brand name ice cream in one sitting (and he will, too, with no question), but not gain even an ounce. In his teen years, he was raised in a Vegetarian / Vegan household (but branched out to "unhealthy" eating in his 20s), yet his mother fed him everything under the sun so that he could gain a pound. Nope. His body says that it will remain thin at any cost. He's got nothing wrong with him - no diseases, no health / risk factors, and yet, he can eat fatty foods with no cost. It's scientifically weird, but I give him credit for at least attempting to try.

It just leaves me laughing and singing the Twiztid song Fat Kidz off The Green Book album.






And yes, I'm a "fat kid". I don't hate.


Cheers,

Saturday, July 9, 2011

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

It's 8:43 pm. Do you know where your animal sacrifice is?

I've yet to attempt any form of sleep since my entry during the wee hours of the morning. I've gone out at various times of the day, and to an unfortunate (but in a way, really fortunate) dismay, there is no dead body anywhere on my property. I'm glad that I did not find some half eaten cat or squirrel or other small beasty because I honestly don't know what I would have done.

So... there was no write up in the Emptyprise. No bones to account for, and the last time I slept was for 25 minutes, about twenty four hours ago.

Cheers,

...and they killed Babe

I watch too many crime dramas and horror movies. If Peter Falk didn't die last week, I'd say I think we need his "expertise" here.

My previous post stated that the Fair is in town (not the Circus, Dave). I live close enough to walk the 2 ½ miles but far enough that I often wondered why I got bussed to the elementary school and never the high school, when they're the same distance (the fairgrounds are ea few blocks from the high school).

That being said, if what I heard was wrong, then I didn't know I lived in the country. It's 3:17 in the morning for me as I write this. About 20 minutes ago, I got woken up by the most god awful screeching, coming literally, from outside my window. I think it sounded like a pig sacrifice (because I swear I heard the other barn animals protest), but my mother (who heard it as well) said it sounded like perhaps the fox she saw the other day got a little hungry and decided to kill "a cat or something". Either way, the poor animal is officially dead and neither one of us want to go outside in the morning and find what made that noise.

I guess I'll be looking in the local paper for any news stories in the morning relating to dead animals in the night. IF they do a write up; which I don't see why not. They do everything else.

Until then, as I await some carny justice....


Cheers,

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Hablo Smith and Wesson?

No, this isn't the 1986 movie, Running Scared, but I thought the title was somewhat fitting.

I was in a local store the other day. The Brockton Fair started last night, so, like they do every year, businesses offer discounted coupons to enter the show. In the place that I was, there were stacks of coupons on the counter. I fanned thru them, and noticed they were all the same. All written in Spanish. By the way, I was in an English speaking store. Not that it matters. My point is, I don't speak Spanish, at all. I've no caring to learn, and I don't feel I should have to. I'm not going to hate you because you may be learning it, or you speak it, but I don't want to learn it. Just don't force it on me and expect me to talk to you, the second you come at me in broken English.

Anyway, this is definitely a sign that I need to move, considering the fact that a long time, "city run" fair has now resorted (in a way) to printing tickets solely in Spanish, I feel like I'm being asked not to go win a cheap prize off a Carny. Last time I was at the fair was a good 15 years ago, anyway. The point in the matter is that I have no point. I just find it messed up that in order to read how much money you are saving, or what you need to do, in order to get 5 bucks somehow, you need to not speak English.

After doing some researching I did find, online, mind you, the ticket to print out, in English. The page it was on, stated to print the coupon on to redeem! Why waste ink?

So... I'm wrapping this up by submitting the coupons for the approval of the Midnight Society.




Cheers,






My scan

Found online